I am not revengeful. I have much to forgive.

I am not a revengful person...
But I have much to forgive. 
My whole life is about memory triggers of hurt and pain...but as my mind, plays movies of instances, I can choose to forgive or cause it to  continue to live in me.
This morning, I was stunned into an nearly blackout of a memory...as I was trying to spend time with Jesus.
It was like I was there and not here.
It was horrible and very hurtful memory. The pain, hurt and trauma...that came mostly from one woman, since I was 20/21 years old, until her passing...
And as I came out from it...I told God, I forgive Lord. It's no longer part of my life or journey. I do not hold it against her. 
And I felt free of it.
Why is it a bad thing to have these flashbacks?
Maybe it is all about the journey here to heal. To forgive, to let it go and give it to Jesus. Jesus...is who loves the one who caused the pain and hurt and also the one that was hurt and damaged.
He doesn't love me more than the one who caused pain.  He loves us all very very very much.
I'm 53, soon in November I will be 54. If Abba allows it.

Wrote this October 1, 2022  

That memory flashback was when I was 23 years old. 
Wow huh?
I praise God that I can still let go, forgive and heal. Even now.
God is good all the time and His love knows no boundries.
Mercy and goodness follow me all the days of my life.
I will press on. Fight the good fight.
Growing, learning, being corrected, striving and being brave.  And when I'm weak and my strength of heart is down...when my soul is broken...
I lay myself in at His feet.
He does what I can't, until I can.
This is the beauty of His Love.
I Love Him so much. And I long for Home. I do not feel sinful, or sorry for wanting Home. We are to long for Home...even groan for Home.
That's were we came from, that is where we are going to be forever.
The Word is filled of scriptures of longing for Home. And the whole thing is about Home. If you really think about it.
Oh what a happy day that will be when we gather there!
I Love you all, Kim

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