Testimony of loss of baby from my womb

I have shared this a couple or few years ago.  I was looking through my notes, reading the memories of our Father in my life. and I saw this one,and felt in my heart to share it with you. 

Maybe you will be blessed, touched or moved. 

I love Him so much. I don’t ever want to live my life without Him in it. I have the wonderful, humble, gratefulness of so many testimonies of Him in my life, that would never trade for what the world would offer. 

Kim

……………

I love to write about accounts and wonders of Yeshua’s grace and love in action into my life and His amazing realities of Who He Is. 

I want to share with you now, a true story of a season that was extremely hard for me and of how Yeshua’s love for me had fingerprints all over all the entire season. He rushed in to be beside me and was life, healing, love and grace to me in many incredible ways and for my husband. 

Now I must tell you...this is long. You may want to copy and save it to read. I don’t remember ever sharing this in written form before. 

I have told it a few times. Maybe sent it in emails to a few others, years ago. 

I pray...

Holy Spirit, please touch me now as I write. Writing only Your words and may these words enter those whom You choose to read these words. Touch each heart of the person who is reading this story about Your love and grace. You are greater than any man can think of. Without You we are but dust and failures. But You, Oh Father, are our Healer, Teacher, Restorer, Comforter and Savior of our souls and lives. Because of You, we breathe.  In Your Great Name I pray. 

I love to tell the wonders of our God. Our Abba. I love to tell of what He does and the experiences He alone can do. 

My story is His story. He told me that. 

And I know, I am His Living Testimony of His goodness and care. 

I have struggled with sickness, weakness and fatigue for a long time. 

I am no stranger of being chronically ill. 

Life is hard, but Abba is good. 

I have experienced Him in profound ways, deep and personal ways all my life. In only ways He can do and be. If you really think about it...you have too. You have something to tell. Something only He did for you. You should Tell His Story.  We need to read it and hear it. 

I am going to write you a story now of how Abba was, and still is active in my life, for me. 

In Spring of 1999, I became pregnant with my 2nd son. 

In July I was 4 months along. I became very sick. I felt something was not right in my womb. I began to bleed.  My husband and I rushed to the hospital. Before I knew what was going on, a Chaplin came into my hospital room to see me. I looked at her with cloudy eyes. She came straight to my side and begin to tell me how sorry she was for my loss. 

I hadn’t even seen the doctor yet, to tell me that. I became filled with anguish and felt extremely dizzy. I cried out in sorrow. 

No!  No! No!  No God! No! 

Crying and screaming out to Abba. No!

After that day, I was in a fog like state for a couple days...worse yet, I could not be scheduled for surgery procedure for 4 days. I had to leave the hospital with my lifeless son inside my womb.  I still do not understand that. It was traumatic. 

I did see our baby on a sonogram. 

I still have his image imprinted in my mind to this day. 

On the way home from the hospital, my husband and I went to a restaurant to get a bite to eat. We were trying to compose our thoughts together before going home to our 5 year old son, Jonathan. 

Sitting there overwhelmed, I didn’t eat. My husband had said something to me about how he felt. I didn’t hear him I could barely acknowledge myself sitting there. I saw a look of pain on his face, but I didn’t dare accept it. I could not. 

I told him, “You have got to be strong. You have got to be the rock for us.”  What I asked of him, was beyond my own understanding and comprehension at the time. And how my words affected him was not what I was thinking about at the time. What it did inside if him, was hard. But I could not comfort him I had nothing in me to give him. (But Yeshua was there and He did something very wonderful concerning what I said to my husband and his healing later) 

My Aunt Cindi came to be with my family and I for awhile to help take care of us and encourage us the best she could. I was very grateful and felt like...with her, everyone would be okay and their needs met. 

I went to bed. 

I was mad at Abba. I went to bed, whispering out loud to Him...”How can You allow this to happen?”  “I am mad at You. It’s not fair. You are God, You can do anything You want. So why did You take my baby?”

I feel asleep. Crying. 

I had a dream. A very real and very vivid dream. Every detail was clear and still is. 

I dreamt I was in a beautiful bed covered in very pure white sheets and blankets. It has tall posts on every corner, with pure white shear sashes blowing gently. All around me is the most beautiful lush green grass and plants. I had never seen on earth before. I was in the bed in the middle of all this beauty. Beside my bed, Yeshua is kneeling. Not on His knees but bended down and His feet on the ground. I looked at Him from my bed. He was pulling up plants and replanting. 

I said to Him, “ What are You doing?”

Without looking at me...He said to me, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.  A time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted.”

I said to Him, “No Yeshua.  This is not fair.”

I woke up crying and ran into my kitchen. There in the kitchen was my Aunt Cindi and my husband. 

I was very upset. 

I said, “You will not believe what Abba just said to me!”

I told them about the dream I just had. I was crying and shaking. 

After I told them the dream...I said, “Who does He think He is, I’m mad. He took my baby!”

My Aunt Cindi looked straight into my eyes and pointed her finger toward me and said, “Who do you think you are!”

“Why are you talking that way about your God?”

“The God, you tell me so many wonderful things about?”

“The God, you feel so highly for and love?”

She began to quote parts of Job 38 and Job 39. With passion. 

Not like she was reading it. But talking it to me. 

I could only stand there in astonished awe. I had no words. I listened. 

I then said to her, “Do you know what you are saying?!”

I ran to grab my Bible and showed her what she was saying. 

She said, “I didn’t know that was in there. I have never read it before. How could I know that?”

The Holy Spirit spoke through her to me. 

I went back to bed, feeling very different. Corrected and humbled. 

Asking Abba to forgive my attitude toward Him. 

My Aunt Cindi and my husband went out onto the back porch with the Bible, to talk about it and of Yeshua. 

I rested well. 

After about a week or so, my Aunt Cindi went back to her home. 

I was still grieving. But I had a different attitude toward Abba. 

I decided to go to The Food Lion grocery store to get some things for my family. I went in feeling sad and empty. I could literally feel the emptiness in my womb. I was walking down an aisle. There was none else in that aisle, but me. 

And I said inside my heart, “Abba I feel so sad still and empty.”

“I need You.”

After a little while I was checking out at the register and I begin to feel a strong magnetic pull toward the front of the store’s entrance, straight in front of me. Just about 6 feet away from the register...

There I saw a man and a woman. About the age of their early 30’s. They were beautiful and flawless. Seemingly pure. Their faces had a light to them. A kind of glow. Their eyes like doves...I can’t describe what I saw in their eyes. Words do not describe them. They were looking right at me. 

Standing, facing me. Just a measure away from me. The man had on a suit and the woman a dress. Their arms stretched out high toward me and palms of their hands toward me. The we’re praying for me. Out-loud. Looking at me and praying for me. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. 

Time stopped. There was no tic ticking of a clock. 

A moment felt like a long time. 

There was only this moment that existed. 

I looked around me briefly, to see if anybody else was seeing what I was seeing. No. Not one person could see them or really even me. Yet the woman at the register continued to ring up my groceries. 

Unaware at all of what was happening. 

I knew. I knew the man and woman was there there for me. 

Just for my eyes. Just for my knowing. 

I turned to look at the woman at the register, That I was at, very briefly...she was checking my things out and putting them in bags. 

I looked back at the entrance where the man and woman was.  

They were gone. 

I know they were Sent by ABBA to pray for me. I felt my heart squeeze. 

I felt a little lighter. Not so heavy inside or weary. 

Later, about a couple of months go by...along time family friend of my husband’s family came by to visit my husband’s parents from New York. They were actually leaving our area to go back to New York. 

The husband, Charlie felt compelled by The Holy Spirit to come to our home to pray. Charlie was told by ABBA, to specifically come and pray for my husband. 

We got in a circle and he began to pray for healing for my husband’s great sorrow over losing our baby. I saw my husband crumble to the floor in a heave of tears and sorrow. A snap went off inside of me like a fire cracker. I Saw him. I Saw my husband. With clear eyes. I had forgotten what I had said to him in the restaurant after we learned we lost our baby boy. 

Oh how it must have impacted him. It replayed in the theater of my mind. The words I said to him in the restaurant. I felt so sorry. Remorseful. 

I said inside myself, “What did I do to him!?”

I instantly felt compelled to comfort him and grieve With him. 

I didn’t even allow myself to think of his grief before. I felt I couldn’t handle it before. I knew I could not have. But now I could and I would. 

Later, my husband and I talked and prayed together. We cried together. 

I asked him to forgive me for not being able to be there for him. 

I told him I was proud of him and he was everything I needed him to be. But I was not there for him and I was sorry. We cried together in unity and held each other. 

I then got a great idea...our anniversary was coming up in a few months. My husband loves the beach. So we made plans to go to a hotel for the weekend of our anniversary, that overlooked Virginia Beach. 

We went on the weekend of our anniversary. 

My husband found this time very healing for him. 

We wrote a love letter together to our baby. We gave him the spiritual name...Sparrow. It comforted us to call him that name. 

We wrote the letter, sealed it and dedicated it to Abba in His care for our baby boy, Sparrow. We bought a big balloon and decided we would go to the beach shore and tie the note to the balloon and send it off to Heaven. 

It was healing for us. Together. 

To this day. Whenever my husband thinks of our Sparrow, no matter where my husband is...A Sparrow flies near him. At those times. And even land near him and stay a minute or two. 

At the end of March 2020, my momma passed on to glory. 

There is an incredible testimony here too. But I will tell you only one tiny part of it in relation to our son, Sparrow. 

I was grieving for my momma very deeply. 

I was comforted by ABBA in very profound ways. Maybe I will write about for you all one day. 

But I just want to tell you this one thing, of the many that had happened, during that time. 

I went to Glory and I saw Uncle John, my Aunt Cindi’s husband. We were in a vast beautiful field. An incredible Massive tree was also there not too far away from where I was. I could see the gates of the city and the Light that shown from the center of the city. 

My Uncle John, was at a table sitting. He began to talk to me. 

I saw my momma and my Aunt Cindi’s dad, Mr. Crawley to the right. 

I looked down to the left at the ground and saw what looked like two symbolic graves. One was large with roses petals all over it. (The roses had significance for my brother Cody to tell him something my mom told me to tell him) the other grave was small. It had toy soldiers all over the top of it. Some were on their sides not standing up. So I bent down to fix the few that were laid over. As I was doing this. I asked Uncle John, “Who does this one belong to?”  I knew the rose petals one was symbolic and a meaningful purpose of my momma. But I asked about the small one only. 

Uncle John said, “Don’t you know.”(but it was not a question) 

I knew, it had to do with our son. 

I said, “What is the name the Father gave to him?” 

Uncle John said, “He is waiting to tell you when you come Home.”

Other things happened and were said. Incredible things. 

A few months went by...I saw a sculpture of ABBA’s hands. Holding a Sparrow. At a store. I felt touched to see that. I had been thinking about our son. The name we had given him and the name we did not know yet, that Abba had given him. 

I bought the sculpture.  I’ve had it for many years. 

The picture I put with this post, is it. 

My hope is, as you choose to read this. You would see and know how much Yeshua loves you. He is alive and active. He cares so much about your life and every detail concerning your life. You can tell Him anything and trust Him with everything. He takes good care of His Own. 

Today will you let Him take care of you? 

Kimberly Wenrich